Using colourful or visual expressions is a key element of good web writing. Because they capture the imagination, lively expressions feed the attention of the reader. eMarketing specialist Nick Usborne asserts they also help create a human voice and establish a relationship with the user.

I personally collect, revisit, and share all the expressions I enjoy for their imagery or ingenuity.  Here are some I came across recently in my readings:

- “…she splashed into the conversation…” (Elizabeth Hay [1])
- “…his mind moved in ever expanding circles of thought…” (David Baldacci [2])
- “…fear freezes investors like deer caught in the headlights.” (Thomas Watson [3])

[1]  “she splashed into the conversation”
I like this expression because of the emotional outburst  it conveys, and the very agitated and irritating person it suggests:  “Once he started to talk, she splashed into the conversation, commenting on everything he said…”

The Penguin book of Canadian short stories, Penguin Canada, “The Friend”, 2007, p. 239.

[2] “…his mind moved in ever expanding circles of thought…”

The idea of the mind spiraling out in thoughts translates the relentless and expanding search for something: “He sat down in a chair and studied the wall as his mind moved in ever expending circles of thought.”

The Winner, Time Warner, 1998, p. 292.

[3] “…fear freezes investors like deer caught in the headlights.”

Comparing investors to frightened deer in a bear market couldn’t be more ingenious. And I think the image of dark frightened eyes in a cloud of light, on a desert road at night, couldn’t better illustrate the “freezing” confidence of investors.

Canadian Business, volume 81, issue 4, “On the trail of the bear,” Canadian Business, March 17, 2008, p. 29.

Bloggers make extensive use of colourful or lively expressions, and they often make their landmark. Because blogs mostly are personal or informal mediums, they are bound to be more colourful than any corporate web site. “Be a friend and act like a Friend,” recommends Usborne.

Short sentences and concision are essential elements of good Web writing. As a writer obsessed with concision – wishing to downsize any text to one powerful word – I’m mentally rewriting every long phrase I see.

Recently, I was doing so with the opening phrase of “Fever”*, a captivating Canadian short story from Sharon Butala:

“Cecilia had slept well the first part of the night, but later she was dimly aware of a restlessness on Colin’s part that kept pulling her up from the dreamless depths of her heavy sleep to a pale awareness of something being not right.”

I really liked that description, but I thought the phrase could easily be subdivided without losing its effectiveness. So I mentally rewrote it this way:

“Cecilia had slept well the first part of the night, but later became dimly aware of a restlessness on Colin’s part. That restlessness kept pulling her up from her dreamless depths to a pale awareness of something being wrong.”

I searched for a way to improve the second sentence by using a synonym for “restlessness”.  However, I was unable to find one. I was curious to hear the author’s point of view on this, so I wrote to Sharon Butala. I felt very privileged to get a response:

Well, first, I like long sentences and that is why I write them. I would never shorten that sentence on my own, nor apparently, would either of my editors, as neither asked me to break it up. And the phrase, “something not right,” I think is more interesting, and also closer to Cecilia’s truth, than “something wrong” would be. In English that is a pretty mundane phrase.

Dandy Marcel Proust wrote a lot of those, so I think she’s right. And yes, “being wrong” doesn’t convey the same idea as “something being not right”.

Could Web writing, designed for a broader and impatient readership, include a few long and eloquent sentences? I think it depends on their rhythm. In Sharon’s case, the length might even enhance the idea of “restlessness”. This precise portion that I find long – “that kept pulling her up from the dreamless depths of her heavy sleep” – may be the best way to express the idea of tossing and turning, of restlessness.

* The Penguin book of Canadian short stories, Penguin Canada, Toronto, 2007, pp. 248-261.

I came across a couple of new things in “Writing for and about the Internet,” a chapter of The Canadian Press Stylebook*. Among them are a wise metaphor of the reader’s online experience, good practices for hyperlinks, and tips to get Web users to read more.

Picturing the Webreader
In my opinion, the CP gives the most accurate picture of the critical online reader: “It’s the morning before your final history exam. You have loads of notes to go through but they’re nicely organized, with lots of highlighting and margin notes. You can skim over each section and stop to dig deeper whenever you feel it’s necessary. All of the information is there, but without the highlighting and subheads, you’d be lost in a block of text” (p. 177).

To make this skimmer more involved in your text, the CP suggests to:

- Use quotes in stories and around them
- Highlight keywords with boldface or color
- Write short and clear headlines
- Use lists with subheadings
- Edit length to prevent scrolling

I would add to this list captions, graphics, side-bars, paragraphs beginning with a summary, and short (up to 12 words) or well-punctuated sentences. CP also suggests summing up the main elements of a story in a paragraph or two. I personally recommend a two-sentence summary at the top, with hyperlinks leading down to key points.

I always wonder why a copywriter, who doesn’t have much time himself to read during a working day, still publishes so many texts and always in a one-way communication. Why not select the best of them, in a very brief and scannable fashion, to initiate a dialogue? Why write the whole text in advance, from only one point of view?

Best practices
Surprisingly, the CP doesn’t preach systematic use of the inverted pyramid: “There is always room for a story with a beginning, middle and end if you engage readers’ interest throughout and help through the piece with some of the other devices mentioned here.” I believe it, too: in any type of text, addressing the readers’ most urgent needs, questions, or concerns may be the surest way to engage them — whatever the structure may be.

The CP dedicates a section to hyperlinks: its best element of practice may be to avoid including instructions in them: “Keep writing about the subject. Don’t switch to giving the reader instructions just because you have added a hyperlink:

Not: Go to Anne Murray’s home page for a full biography
Nor: Click here to visit Anne Murray’s home page
But: Anne Murray is one of Canada’s most recognized singers.” (p. 179)

The CP insists on avoiding anonymity: “The Web is already anonymous enough. Be clear about where material comes from. Readers want to see a byline.” (p. 180) This is perfectly consistent with newsgroups, the founding spirit of the Web, where real people discuss various subjects.

About the Internet
When writing about technology, the CP recommends avoiding buzzwords and sticking to well-known acronyms: “It is usually safer to use the longer form (instant messages, not IM) or a generic description (high-speed link instead of T-1).” A good writer would know when to mix the jargon with the everyday, and set tech talk against a familiar backdrop if necessary. For all cases, the CP states a key guideline for good writing: “Edit ruthlessly. Use simpler words. Watch run-on sentences. […] Proof, proof and re-proof your copy” (p. 178).

* The Canadian Press Stylebook : a guide for writers and editors, 14th edition, Canadian Press, Toronto, June 2006.

The Chambers Desktop is the second edition of A Simple Guide to Writing for Your Website. If Jonathan Price’s Web writing that works is the most comprehensive guide on Web writing, Susannah Ross’ Chambers Desktop Guide to Writing for the Web is undoubtly the most concise and practical one. Probably because of the author’s extensive experience in journalism and self-discipline for thoroughly reviewed writing.

I’ll try to apply here one of her strongest bits of advice: write from memory. The 20-year BBC veteran insists that we do so to better capture the essence of a story, a theory, anything in depth.

Guidelines
So here are the guidelines I remember:

- Ask yourself why and to whom you would like
to write on a particular subject
- Spend all your time thinking about what the user
might want to know on your subject rather than what
you would like to say
- Clarify the purpose of your Web content by expressing
it in no more than 10 words
- Choose a Web structure that will answer as quickly
as possible the user’s questions
- Divide you content into no more than seven
categories, in a clear, logical hierarchy
- Use the simplest, shortest words, and write
10-12 word sentences

But above all, keep in mind that good writing doesn’t come easy. Ross demonstrates her point by carefully reviewing the basics of grammar: what is the function of the verb, the noun, the adverb, the clause? This leads to a general piece of advice for Web writing: the verb is the essential part in a Web text, and should be strong enough to replace wordy nouns or adverbs.

The rest is work, practice, self-discipline. And passion for good writing.

Examples
The guide provides all sorts of examples – structure, categorization, homepage – but the series about style and grammar is particularly helpful:

German-origin words are shorter or simpler than Latin-:

“prior to” (Latin) vs. “before” (German)
“requirements” (Latin) vs. “needs” (German)
“subsequent” (Latin) vs. “later” (German)

Positive expressions are easier to understand than negative:

“does not have” => “lacks”
“does not include” => “leaves out”
“not unless ” => “only if”

Ross reminds us of some unnecessary words:

- “free gift”
- “past history”
- “meet up with”
- “merge together”
- “crisis situation”

And simpler ways of saying things:

“despite the fact” => “although”
“on a regular basis” => “regularly”
“make use of” => “use”
“if the event that” => “if”

Of course, the author discusses the usual aspects of Web writing: scannability (titles, captions, lists), metadata, inverted pyramid structure, conversational tone etc. But what makes Susannah Ross’ guide so useful and unique is that it gives, in a very handy book, a journalistic-based approach for concision and good writing for the Web.